Reflections – Two Months In

Good day, everyone! Two months have now passed since I became a full-time connoisseur of life. Besides the activities discussed in prior posts, our trip to Sweden to visit our youngest daughter game me the chance to dive into more books and podcasts related to retirement. Most interestingly, I stumbled upon the writings of Arthur C. Brooks, an American Social Scientist, the William Henry Bloomberg Professor of the Practice of Public Leadership at the Harvard Kennedy School, and Professor of Management Practice at the Harvard Business School. Mr. Brooks is the author of 11 books, writes the How to Build a Life column at The Atlantic, and is the host of the podcast The Art of Happiness with Arthur Brooks. The article that caught my attention was his February 17 column entitled “The Seven Habits That Lead to Happiness in Old Age.” Mr. Brook’s writings don’t focus only on retirement, or only on older folks for that matter. Instead, he focuses on how to achieve a happy and fulfilling life at all ages. In this particular column I found the seven habits to be fairly straightforward and obvious. But, I also noticed that many of them overlap with the advice others have given in order to enjoy a fulfilling retirement. Of the seven in Brooks’ list, the one item that most caught my eye was number seven, “Do the work to cultivate stable, long-term relationships now.” Here’s why.

Life is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends we choose.

Tennessee Williams

People often get a number of things from full-time employment: compensation, intellectual stimulation, a sense of purpose, something to do for 8+ hours a day, and social interaction. Upon retirement, many of these things are abruptly severed. That, of course, is the challenge of retirement and why there are so many books written about the importance of the transition. For me, at about week six of retirement I found myself increasingly wondering about my former coworkers and what was happening in their lives. This realization reinforced for me the importance of continuing to make the connections with these individuals, of continuing to build on other relationships in my life, and of making new connections in areas of activity driven by my get-a-life tree. As a result, I am very much looking forward to continuing trips to the community center and to warmer weather when I can engage with others in outdoor activities such as golf, tennis, entertaining, traveling, etc.

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.

Carl Jung

One of the most important relationships to focus on, of course, is that with your spouse. Another interesting point of view I read about while traveling was the concept of thinking about your day as falling into three categories: “me time, we time, and she time.” While I don’t recall to whom the concept is attributed, the idea is that you have time to focus on yourself, time together with your spouse focused on joint activities, and time you take to focus solely on the interests of your spouse. Interestingly, while my wife and I were waiting for food at a local restaurant, and in responding to my inquiry about how she thought our retirement transition was going, she articulated this concept as the very area she is trying to work out for herself. So, we now use the “me/we/(s)he” phrase to discuss our plans for the upcoming days and work to ensure we have good balance between the three areas of focus.

Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow.

Swedish Proverb

Another of Brooks’ seven items that caught my attention was number 4, “[p]rioritize movement in your life by scheduling time for it every day and sticking to it. Arguably the single best, time-tested way to do this is by walking daily.” In particular, the linked article discusses what Brooks “learned about transcendence from a very boring 100-mile trek” along the Camino de Santiago trail. Besides being a trip I have been researching for my wife and me, I was interested in Brooks’ idea that the secret of the Camino is really its utter lack of thrills. To quote Brooks, “by about day three … the walk begins to slow the mind to the speed of the body at a pace that is natural and unforced. The walk becomes a long piece of music—andante, of course—that neither lags nor hurries.” This is one of the reasons backpacking and hiking have always been of interest to me. There’s something therapeutic about the slow pace required when hiking on an uneven, rocky surface with a 40-pound pack on your back.

Brooks’ concept of walking being transcendental led me to ponder what a person can do to ensure they age gracefully. While transitioning to retirement is tactical, it must lead to a strategic objective, right? And, while the objective is to live the last one-half of one’s life in a way that has purpose and leads to happiness, how do you satisfy this objective and age gracefully when the body and mind become increasingly challenged as the years progress? I am struck by how Brooks’ concepts, the idea of retirement planning, and the practices of mindfulness are beginning to come together. This recognition, of course, led to another trip to Amazon.com and the purchase of a few more books. Therefore, the concept of ageless and graceful aging will be a topic for a future post….

Of all the means to insure happiness throughout the whole life, by far the most important is the acquisition of friends.

Epicurus