A very good friend of mine commented recently “it would be interesting if you went back and reviewed your blog posts to see if you agree with what you’d previously written.” Hold it. I know. That sounds as dry as toast. But he had latched onto something I’ve discovered is very real, which is the evolution that takes place as you transition to this new lifestyle. So, despite the comment in my “6-month” blog, I’m going to resurrect the retirement planning blog for at least a little while. Further, instead of writing this entry purely as a review of prior posts, I’m going to incorporate some more contemporaneous thoughts.
To begin with, in my one month reflection, I stated “one month is NOT enough time to really reflect on.” I totally agree with the statement. In fact, I’m not sure three years is enough time to reflect on, but maybe I’ll let you know in a couple more years.
As far as other things I agree with, cultivating friendships, particularly when you’ve moved to a new place to live, is very important and very difficult. That said, my wife and I have both worked on it and feel like we’re making good progress. Interestingly, in making some the new connections, we have discovered links to OLD connections (i.e., someone in our new circle of friends has a link to someone in our prior circle of friends). So, how do you make these new connections? GET INVOLVED IN THINGS! For us that has meant volunteering in things, whether at church or in the community. As for me, I’m now playing in the Lakes Area Community Concert Band (Bass Clarinet) and the Beachfront Big Band (Bass Guitar). Besides giving me the opportunity to meet many, many new people, returning to playing these instruments is good for the brain! My wife and I both volunteered for Project 412, a nonprofit focused on the development of the Detroit Lakes community. One particular project we both volunteered for was the building of the Thomas Dambo trolls. From the Project 412 website: “Danish Recycle Artist Thomas Dambo built six of his GIANT Trolls in the Detroit Lakes (DL) area during spring/early summer 2024. These whimsical Trolls are part of a permanent, themed art installation with a story focused on environmental awareness, the beauty that can be found in trash, and the joy of being outside. The DL Trolls are part of Thomas Dambo’s global Troll installation that now exceeds 130 sites across Europe, Asia, Australia, and the United States. You can learn more about Dambo and his Trolls at www.thomasdambo.com and www.trollmap.com.”
The troll project provided us not only an activity to get involved in, but the opportunity to meet new people and to reconnect with old friends as they made the trek to DL to see the trolls! In fact, I still volunteer for the troll project as enhancements are made to each site and maintenance is required to keep the trolls in tip-top shape.
One of the things written in a prior blog I now find most accurate is the following Ernie Zelinski quote: “[r]etirement should be a reorientation of living. We should call it disengagement from a full-time career, ‘self-actualization’ or ‘self-realization,’ rather than ‘retirement.’” That said, I think this part of retirement plays out quite differently for each person. In other words, the mix of realization and actualization comes at different times and in different degrees as time passes and as situations arise. I find I have times where I’m in full self-realization mode and others where self-actualization is the focus. So, I think I’d modify Zelinski’s quote slightly and state that retirement is a time of self-realization AND self-actualization.
With regard to self-realization, people have told me I’ve done a good job of “slowing down.” I’m sure others wish I would slow down more (but I think there is some value in being motivated)! I have recognized I’ve tempered my “drive” and am more likely to defer some work rather than push through and get everything done today. In addition, I’ve also recognized there are some things I enjoy more than I thought I would (e.g., cooking, grilling, making charcuterie). I’m also recognizing some limitations that, honestly, I’m not too fond of. Specifically, picking up and playing a musical instrument after a 42-year break is not as easy as it may seem. It takes alot of time and effort to get the brain synapses rewired and the coordination between hand and mouth reestablished. Add on physical challenges such as tendonitis in both forearms and you can see the hurdles one has to overcome. I now also realize the significant amount of work I do outside (e.g., lawn work, cutting down trees) is insufficient exercise and more purposeful and focused work in the gym is required if I wish to continue with the activities I love. I know, I know. It’s about time I figured this out. Maybe I’ll start flossing too.
There comes a time when you look into the mirror and you realize that what you see is all that you will ever be. And then you accept it. Or you kill yourself. Or you stop looking in mirrors.
– J. Michael Straczynski, Babylon 5: The Scripts of J. Michael Straczynski, Vol. 2
With regard to actualization, some actualization happens on its own as you relish in the accomplishment of some activity (e.g., helping build the trolls), while other actualization is fed by the realization. By this I mean some realization, for example that I am probably not capable of playing the Bass Clarinet as well as someone who has played continually for 50 years or so, allows you to get comfortable with (i.e., accept) what you can do and what you can contribute. To further play out my example, with the realization of my abilities vis-a-vis the Bass Clarinet, I have come to accept that I can be a very good support player for most of the parts of the music, but I will never be the soloist for difficult parts or, heaven forbid, the 32nd note runs up and down the chromatic scale! I have now become content to play what I can, and to listen to everything else through my Tidal music service….
Often, it’s not about becoming a new person, but becoming the person you were meant to be, and already are, but don’t know how to be.
– Heath L. Buckmaster, Box of Hair: A Fairy Tale
In closing, as I look back at the prior blog entries I have to say I agree with nearly all of it. Some of it may have been a bit naive, and some may have been prescient. I particularly agree with the one-year blog. In addition to the bullets in that entry, however, here are a couple of additional “realizations” and updates to note:
- I think it’s safe to say we’ve largely determined our day-to-day retirement routine. I still get up early to read and play with the dog, while my wife continues to stay up late doing whatever she does. We each relish these alone times as part of our “me time/we time/(s)he time”.
- Our annual routine is, and will probably always be, a little more variable. With one child living abroad and several grandchildren, that’s to be expected.
- We still love travel and have several trips already scheduled for 2025. We are also at the point where we understand we have different travel interests and are comfortable with traveling alone if necessary.
- We have become comfortable living in our new, smaller community. DL is a very active community with many, many things to do, even in the dead of winter.
- The remodeling of our home is nearly done, having completed the bedroom/closet addition and refreshed the landscaping. We are looking forward to less daily disruption by contractors and to more time entertaining friends and family.
- Our days remain full with yard work, volunteering, spending time with friends and family, reading, cooking, and other hobbies. We are blessed.
- I have thoroughly enjoyed my connections this year with friends from DL, from the Twin Cities, and from parts further afield.
- While 2024 was a difficult year due to the passing of our beloved 13 1/2-year old Cocker Spaniel, Penny, Our spirits have been lifted through the addition to our family of our new Mini AussieDoodle, Quigley. We love his energy and attitude!
Thank you for taking the time to read this blog entry. We look forward to the opportunity to connect with you in the future!
True happiness is to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future, not to amuse ourselves with either hopes or fears but to rest satisfied with what we have, which is sufficient, for he that is so wants nothing. The greatest blessings of mankind are within us and within our reach. A wise man is content with his lot, whatever it may be, without wishing for what he has not.
- Seneca